February 2012
25 posts
You know you’re getting close to the end of writing your book when you do several CTRL-F’s in the manuscript to find all the people you’ve written about and change their real names to fake ones.
(I don’t have the imagination to use a fake name from the start. If I’m writing about someone, I’m using their real name until everything I have to say has been...
“Look at his dick!”
– My fiancee, four times in the past five minutes, while watching the Westminster Dog Show.
anniversary
Eight years ago today, I started a blog. Since then, we elected a black president, Osama bin Laden was killed, more gays are legally getting married, and the Phillies won the World Series.
Coincidence? No way, friends. No way.
Apparently, I am dating Adele.
“Guys, she struggled with addiction. It’s not funny.”
– people I would never go drinking with
Lord, you couldn’t have taken Cummings instead of Houston? I mean, have you seen that show? YOUDAMN YOU!
WHITNEY HOUSTON IS DEAD!
(Probably!)
fever
I’ve been in my apartment alone since 8pm last night and I haven’t talked to anyone except people who work at food places (delivery last night, pick-up today) and I’m getting a little crazy.
today's lesson
If you wake up at 6:30am and then spend the next seven hours drinking tea, it’s going to be hard to take a nap.
1 tag
(one of) six songs
“Everything’s...
“OMG!!! I’m getting married in two weeks!!!”
– Every woman, two weeks before her wedding.
Also, me, today.
London long weekend for Chelsea-Stoke and Arsenal-Newcastle booked. BOOM.
WatchPeople are really flipping out about the premiere of The Voice.
(Bay Ridge, Brooklyn)
I think the Pats are going to smoke the Giants. But I just want it to be quiet in Bay Ridge tonight, so I can watch “I Survived” and take Xanax in peace after the game.
GUYS I’M DVRING THE GAME NO SPOILERS PLEASE THANKS
sb
I don’t want to live in a world in which Eli Manning is an elite, multiple Super Bowl-winning quarterback. But rooting for the Patriots is now like rooting for the Yankees (how’s that for irony, Massholes?).
So I guess I’m just hoping for a really bad game from both teams.Also: good commercials and dip.
January 2012
30 posts
A colleague walked into my office as I was listening to N*Sync cover Janet Jackson’s “That’s the Way Love Goes.” When I frantically skipped the song, Donny Osmond’s “Soldier of Love” came on next.
At that point, you just gotta own it.
(I feel compelled to remind you that I have over 12,000 songs on my iPod. So…this happens. Not usually twice in a row, but it happens.)
What I just did to that bacon-wrapped, cheddar-stuffed kielbasa will never be forgotten. Not by me, not by the kielbasa, not by anyone.
Things are different now.
You know, if I had a Led Zeppelin cover band, I might mention THAT WE HAVE NO ROBERT PLANT AND ARE ENTIRELY INSTRUMENTAL. Bustle In Your Hedgerow is a scam.
We walked out halfway through the show, and now, for my last night as a single man (not getting married tmrw, fiancée in a different state tonight), my friends and I are going to sit in an apt and, well, drink beer and watch Led Zeppelin...
Tomorrow is my last night alone as single man. My fiancée is going out of town for the night, and we’ll be married in less than a month. So my friends are taking me to see a Led Zeppelin cover band, but only after drinking a lot of Bud bombers in a buddy’s apartment. A better farewell to single-hood, I can think of none. (And yes, Rosario’s has been warned.)
Meh. I had a good run.
I went to the DMV and got my car’s title transferred and NY plates in under 15 minutes.
So while I’m hot:
Pats 31, NYG 24
4-13-19-31-47-6
You will have three children, Dakota, Justice and Fran.
I just got a text message that said only “Ard” and had to Google it. How in the world is that “alright”? Are we only five or so years away from communicating strictly through grunting and pointing? C’mon, people - respect the English language.
[takes off Andy Rooney mask, begins playing with self, pours glass of whole milk]
I just had to update a blog post from 2005 to remove a buddy’s last name and I realized: once upon a time, long, long ago, I was a pretty funny writer, and one who used the internet for more than just complaining or expressing disgust.
Boy, that was ages ago.
(Here’s where I put a hashtag like #another10pmnightatwork or #deadinside. But I don’t have the strength.)
When does “Shit Shit Says” come out? Jesus, people.
Today, on my first day back from my bachelor party, the things I’ve bought include vitamins, matzo ball soup, insurance, and an entirely new underwear collection.
You can probably figure out how the weekend went.
Guys, iPhone spellchecks “cooch” to “voice” #themoreyouknow
My latest make-out mix (on Spotify), though still in its nascent stages, is LETHAL. You’ve been warned: http://tinyurl.com/83pua8g
Bachelor week continues: I was just nude and using a box cutter to open the thermostat, because it’s 77 degrees in my apartment. Alas, heat’s still broken. Next up: some reading in the shower for about an hour, then some ice cream.
(My fiancée is on a week long business trip in CA.)
(And this is what happens.)
(I just hope I make it to my bachelor party this weekend. The naked...
For the first time in recent memory, I did not have to use my beard trimmer this morning to fix an uneven SuperCuts haircut. $21.89 well spent.
WatchYou probably get the idea.
WatchThis is called a Serenade. When a member or long-time Frog passes away, on the morning before the parade, the group will go to his family’s home and do this as a send-off.
It’s emotional.
WatchFroggy Carr (mother fuckers)
WatchRiverfront Mummers