I think my favorites are the people who stand at the top of the subway stairs on their cell phones during rush hour. Your call is not that important; get the fuck out of everyone’s way.
I think you should get a warning for a first offense, then immediate stoning by the masses for a second offense.
(Vote Mulgrew 2012)
Question: what the fuck do people do? Like, when they get home from work?
I ask because:
- I’ve been getting home at 7:15pm-ish for the past two weeks (as opposed to 9pm-ish)
- For the first time in over a year, I don’t have a book to i) write or ii) worry about writing (it was much more of the latter)
- I’ve dramatically cut down on my masturbation because sometime in late April I realized that I’d seen every last sexual clip on the internet and my fantasies without porn (i.e., when I masturbate, for example, at a restaurant) do not involve me having sex with a foxy lady in some ridiculous scenario but rather me watching porn. I beat off to myself watching porn, I mean.
So I am truly bored to shit. Big time. In the last two weeks, I’ve gone out more during the week than I have in a long time, set up - and enjoyed - Apple TV, completely organized my t-shirt collection, and measured and ordered entirely new furniture for the bedroom, among other things. And still. Bored.
Help. I fear we are only a week or two away from (hard core) recreational drug use or, I don’t know, trying my hand as a pimp.
Help.
I could eat approximately 600 clementines in one sitting.
“Cordon “Brew” Balls - $8.00
Chicken, Swiss cheese and ham, breaded and deep fried and sided with French fries and gorgonzola”
— Get here, weekend and its incumbent road trip.
I just walked into my apartment carrying bags from Brooks Brothers, the Apple Store, Dean & DeLuca, and a fancy mac and cheese place (total value of mac and cheese: $24).
I feel like I need to go golfing tomorrow and say horribly racist things without realizing they are racist, things like, “He’s Puerto Rican, but he’s really very nice and smart.”
I mean, with inflation, you have to think you’re looking at least 100-110 shekels nowadays.
NBC NY News lead with two reporters covering the winner of “The Voice”?
It’s official - everything is horrible.
I would recommend marriage because it is very nice and fun when, weeks after your wedding party, you continue to get random checks in the mail. It’s like my birthday every week! Only without the shame and sadness of another year gone with little to show for it aside from an increasingly receding hairline and an increasingly decreasing libido!
FYI: iPhone spellchecks “dbags” to “snags” #themoreyouknow
Artful Dodger, Philly. Arguably my favorite bar.
Time to wash away a long day of Arsenal disappointment, apartment cleaning, NYC to Philly traffic, and loads of family time. Let’s make it all better.